by T Dub Jackson, author of The Magic Of Making Up System
You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of a flame and start to swoon from the searing heat.
and...
You suspect there's about to be a raging fire.
But the fire and carnage you fear won't be from any material possessions lost, but from something much more precious, a once loving relationship going up in flames. No matter what issue set your fire ablaze, many of us don't know where or how to begin applying the water to put the fire out.
In fact...
Unlike a real fire where a fireman first looks to find, attack and cool the source of the fire (if possible). Many times attacking the center of the heat is the WRONG approach to take when trying to extinguish our relationship problems and fires.
For example, let's imagine that since this 'recession' your relationship has flamed up some worrisome financial fires. These may start as little brush fires, small issues and arguments over how and where money is being spent...or not spent.
Then, maybe because of the heat and pressure of these financial fires one partner starts 'escaping' more than is healthy for the relationship. He escapes into TV, Video Games, Alcohol, Cyber Porn...or worse?
Now...what do we have?
We've got two fires smoldering away and soon to be a third because the other partner is starting to feel lonely and isolated.
Can you almost feel the pressure?
Feel it coming to a boil?
Now with three fires off to a crackling start there's even greater risk of fire and damage spreading to other areas. So? Just which fire do we put out first? Our financial fire? Our financial blaze seems pretty tough to extinguish right now and not likely to die soon.
So maybe we should start with the escapism? That seems like an easy fire to put out...IF you're not the one escaping!
...and try telling someone that's feeling lonely and isolated that "they should just snap out of it" is like throwing fuel into the fire.
So where do we begin when we don't see any good place to start? And we finally realize that
trying to stomp out all our blazes at once actually spreads the fire?...FASTER!
The answer is...
Unlike fighting a REAL fire, we start where there IS NO FIRE. Yes, start where there is absolutely no smoke, no heat and no flame. What we need to do is stop focusing on the problem(s) and focus on where we still have passion...even if it's just a little.
Find even the tiniest things you both enjoy doing together, ACTIVELY put your problems aside and begin to rebuild the passion between you. And do you know what invariably happens? Often once you've rekindled the passion between you...the PROBLEMS will often work themselves out.
The fires extinguish themselves.
Here's how it may play out using our example;
Tom and Cindy both love cooking together. They both actively decide to let their problems go and NOT worry about them for awhile, but to start by cooking dinner together and EATING together at the dinner table...EVERY night.
Often because they've had such a great time cooking and eating together...they play some cards or monopoly afterwards and share some laughs and have a little fun.
Now, because Cindy isn't feeling so isolated because Tom's always watching TV or surfing the web...
That little bit of fun turns into love making a little more often. Which in part...leads to...
Tom starting to feel better, finds new confidence, and as his confidence builds... Tom gets more assertive about finding work.
Soon...
Tom lands what maybe not the best job in the world, but one that relieves a lot of the financial pressure until he can find his perfect fit.
And before your very eyes...
Where Tom and Cindy's relationship was about to burst into flames...
Now, they are rising from the rubble with a stronger and more fire proof marriage than ever before.
The moral of the story is that with enough PASSION couples can overcome most any problem including affairs, drug use, even death in the family.
But when there is very little passion even the tiniest problems...become big, out of control, blazing fires.
Now if you're reading this, but feel that an out of control fire has already 'gutted' and put an end to your relationship. You may find it comforting to know that there may be a second chance for you?
I've made some amazing new breakthroughs in the human love, bonding and REBONDING process. Many of these breakthroughs are just as counterintuitive as the technique I've just handed you here. I've made a special video with you in mind where I share one of my counterintuitive rebonding techniques. You're invited to watch here: HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK VIDEO
While I'm a little bumbly and no Brad Pitt on camera...
...the video has been watched over 893,000 times (rated 4 1/2 stars) and it's rare for a day to go by where I don't receive a really heart warming note from someone that has put their relationship back together after going through hell and fearing they'd never find their way back.
Hope it helps you too:-)
T Dub Jackson
MagicOfMakingUp.com
I Want My Husband to Love Me Again – What Can I Do
If you keep asking yourself what can you do to get your husband to love you again, you must first figure out how come is not happening. Because if he is your spouse he must be in love with you or at least he was. If these words made you think, that could be because you are feeling like if you were living in what is considered to be a loveless marriage. If that is the case then pay attention to the following steps that you can take to fix the situation.
All matrimonies have problems as well as their ups and downs. If you keep trying to work things out with your partner who has been acting like he doesn't love you anymore, there is a probability he just makes you sense that way. Anyhow you are going to need to take action before he leaves the house, because if he has not left the house yet the odds are he still loves you. Whether he knows it or not you are going to need to prove it to him that he still loves you.
Mainly one of the most frequent causes that a man distances himself away from the partner or makes them feel like they do not love their wife anymore is because they themselves don't feel admired and respected by their partner. Although it might be clear to you that you admire your husband and respect him, it may well not be to him. There are several pressures that come into play within a conjugal life which cause respect and admiration to take a back step to deception and fury.
If you're putting your importance on your kids, it becomes really easy to get irritated when your spouse complains that you don't pay attention to him any longer. After all, your kids must be both of your priorities, isn't it? And your spouse must know this. Well, I can bet that what your partner sees is that he is not getting the attention he once had, that attention that made him feel important and made him feel in love.
To get your husband to love you again begin by presenting your spouse a little more admiration and respect. This will certainly be extremely hard in the beginning, particularly if he has been ignoring you. It will bring your ego down a peg or two, but if it's important to you to get your husband back, then stick with it.
All matrimonies have problems as well as their ups and downs. If you keep trying to work things out with your partner who has been acting like he doesn't love you anymore, there is a probability he just makes you sense that way. Anyhow you are going to need to take action before he leaves the house, because if he has not left the house yet the odds are he still loves you. Whether he knows it or not you are going to need to prove it to him that he still loves you.
Mainly one of the most frequent causes that a man distances himself away from the partner or makes them feel like they do not love their wife anymore is because they themselves don't feel admired and respected by their partner. Although it might be clear to you that you admire your husband and respect him, it may well not be to him. There are several pressures that come into play within a conjugal life which cause respect and admiration to take a back step to deception and fury.
If you're putting your importance on your kids, it becomes really easy to get irritated when your spouse complains that you don't pay attention to him any longer. After all, your kids must be both of your priorities, isn't it? And your spouse must know this. Well, I can bet that what your partner sees is that he is not getting the attention he once had, that attention that made him feel important and made him feel in love.
To get your husband to love you again begin by presenting your spouse a little more admiration and respect. This will certainly be extremely hard in the beginning, particularly if he has been ignoring you. It will bring your ego down a peg or two, but if it's important to you to get your husband back, then stick with it.
How to Get My Wife to Love Me Again
There are a few fundamental strategies that any gentleman can apply towards gaining his wife's love back. And of course that depends on your specific situation and circumstances. First and foremost, you are going to have to discover why your spouse has stopped loving you or why she says that she does not love you any longer, even if there is a slight possibility that might not be the true.
Here I mention a number of 5 common reasons for this
1.- While I was having an affair my wife found out and that is how I have lost my spouse's love.
2.- My spouse found somebody else she thinks is way better than me.
3.- I did not keep my promises and agreements. I have told her that I was going to change my attitude for good but I haven't done so. This has lead to disappointment and loss of hope on her part.
4.- I have abandoned my partner in her eyes. I did not give her the love and attention she needed.
5.- I always tried to control everything my wife did. I did not allow my spouse sufficient liberty and room to accomplish what she wanted.
Once you have recognized the reason or combination of reasons, you can start working on the problem to try and fix it. A lot of marriages that do not succeed it's because they cannot identify what the real problem is. Communication is a huge part of making the marriage work and yet many men think in a different way than women do, so even if you believe you know how your wife feels about something, chances are you almost certainly don't. So talk to her.
Without the true communication, it's very difficult to resolve and kind of disagreement or problems you may have. The right kind of communication will allow your relationship to start improving and later to prosper if you provide your spouse the chance to share everything with you.
If your wife has agreed to try in the matrimony once again, do not go back to how things were. Maintain things interesting, do small things to demonstrate to your partner how much you love and value her or do something nicely unexpected. Surprise her.
Maintaining your promises is another essential part of the equation. If you haven't been able to keep your promises in the past, start doing so now. Your history of broken promises has with no doubt ruined the trust in your relationship but you can begin repairing that now. Finally, provide your wife with the space and time she needs. Let her know that you are there for her but don't suffocate her.
Here I mention a number of 5 common reasons for this
1.- While I was having an affair my wife found out and that is how I have lost my spouse's love.
2.- My spouse found somebody else she thinks is way better than me.
3.- I did not keep my promises and agreements. I have told her that I was going to change my attitude for good but I haven't done so. This has lead to disappointment and loss of hope on her part.
4.- I have abandoned my partner in her eyes. I did not give her the love and attention she needed.
5.- I always tried to control everything my wife did. I did not allow my spouse sufficient liberty and room to accomplish what she wanted.
Once you have recognized the reason or combination of reasons, you can start working on the problem to try and fix it. A lot of marriages that do not succeed it's because they cannot identify what the real problem is. Communication is a huge part of making the marriage work and yet many men think in a different way than women do, so even if you believe you know how your wife feels about something, chances are you almost certainly don't. So talk to her.
Without the true communication, it's very difficult to resolve and kind of disagreement or problems you may have. The right kind of communication will allow your relationship to start improving and later to prosper if you provide your spouse the chance to share everything with you.
If your wife has agreed to try in the matrimony once again, do not go back to how things were. Maintain things interesting, do small things to demonstrate to your partner how much you love and value her or do something nicely unexpected. Surprise her.
Maintaining your promises is another essential part of the equation. If you haven't been able to keep your promises in the past, start doing so now. Your history of broken promises has with no doubt ruined the trust in your relationship but you can begin repairing that now. Finally, provide your wife with the space and time she needs. Let her know that you are there for her but don't suffocate her.
5 Easy Steps to Win a Girlfriend Back
Healthy relationship guidance is frequently hard to come across. There is a bunch of nonsense written about how you should pay no attention to her or worse go out with one of her friends. Methods like these will not have a result of your ex-lover running into your arms. If you ignore her you are more likely to be ignored too. So how will you be able to win your ex-girlfriend back in 5 easy steps?
To begin with you have to recognize why the relationship tear apart in the first place? Was it your fault? If so, apologize. You must demonstrate to your girlfriend that you value her and also you should be able to confess when you make mistakes, admit when you are wrong. Apologies are old fashioned but they do work. Even if this doesn't sound like a declaration of love, you still need to do it.
Once that is out of the way, you should begin to persuade her again. Demonstrate to her what she is missing. Look for ways to jog her memory of the times you both enjoyed mutually. As an example you may perhaps stumble on a few old photographs, get them printed up and mail her a few prints. Perhaps you could find some music of her interest, find some of her favorite songs and send her an album.
Small gestures that shows prove you are serious about getting her back will work wonders. You can always attempt asking her straight what she needs. What would make her take you back? The only way to work things out is to be completely truthful with each other. You have to face any problems you had as sweeping them below the mat won't work.
Have some patience and take things slowly. You may well have hurt this woman a lot and if so it will take her some time to trust you again. However with perseverance and determination and some romance you should be able to have a second chance. After all, at one point she obviously loved you and what you need now is to restore those feelings.
Look for ways to tell her what you think of her. You may possibly send her flowers or chocolates. Perhaps you could convince her to come out on a couple of dates with you. Show her a very good time. Help her remember the good times both of you had but, whatever you do, don't put any pressure on her to take you back.
To begin with you have to recognize why the relationship tear apart in the first place? Was it your fault? If so, apologize. You must demonstrate to your girlfriend that you value her and also you should be able to confess when you make mistakes, admit when you are wrong. Apologies are old fashioned but they do work. Even if this doesn't sound like a declaration of love, you still need to do it.
Once that is out of the way, you should begin to persuade her again. Demonstrate to her what she is missing. Look for ways to jog her memory of the times you both enjoyed mutually. As an example you may perhaps stumble on a few old photographs, get them printed up and mail her a few prints. Perhaps you could find some music of her interest, find some of her favorite songs and send her an album.
Small gestures that shows prove you are serious about getting her back will work wonders. You can always attempt asking her straight what she needs. What would make her take you back? The only way to work things out is to be completely truthful with each other. You have to face any problems you had as sweeping them below the mat won't work.
Have some patience and take things slowly. You may well have hurt this woman a lot and if so it will take her some time to trust you again. However with perseverance and determination and some romance you should be able to have a second chance. After all, at one point she obviously loved you and what you need now is to restore those feelings.
Look for ways to tell her what you think of her. You may possibly send her flowers or chocolates. Perhaps you could convince her to come out on a couple of dates with you. Show her a very good time. Help her remember the good times both of you had but, whatever you do, don't put any pressure on her to take you back.
Wondering How to Save Your Marriage?
If you want to save your marriage you have a hard road ahead of you, but first take a hard look at the state of your marriage. Is this the person you want to be within five years? If your answer is no, you don't need to read any further. But if you want to know how to stop your divorce and save your marriage I am going to show you how to save your relationship.
Once you have decided that your marriage is worth saving, you can start to do the work that is necessary. Don't even think about going to the divorce lawyer anymore. You've made the commitment to stick with your relationship.
Now that you have put divorce out of your mind, accept that there will have to be changes in the relationship. If you want the relationship to work more than your partner does, then you are the one who is going to have to do the most changing. That's a simple fact. It is like the person who has the bigger aversion to messiness usually does the most cleaning around the house. The person who wants the relationship to work more will have to do the most changing.
You have to be prepared to talk more too. Set aside time to get to know your partner once again. If he or she has hobbies that they are willing to share with you, get involved even if you are not all that into anything that interests your partner.
If your partner is willing to agree to it, marriage counseling may be what you need to save your marriage. A relationship counselor or therapist will be able to look at your marriage from the outside, ask probing questions, and get you to open up to each other.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Once you have the "ideal" out of your head, you will be able to work on what is real and what is good. These are the standards you should be applying to your marriage.
Once you have decided that your marriage is worth saving, you can start to do the work that is necessary. Don't even think about going to the divorce lawyer anymore. You've made the commitment to stick with your relationship.
Now that you have put divorce out of your mind, accept that there will have to be changes in the relationship. If you want the relationship to work more than your partner does, then you are the one who is going to have to do the most changing. That's a simple fact. It is like the person who has the bigger aversion to messiness usually does the most cleaning around the house. The person who wants the relationship to work more will have to do the most changing.
You have to be prepared to talk more too. Set aside time to get to know your partner once again. If he or she has hobbies that they are willing to share with you, get involved even if you are not all that into anything that interests your partner.
If your partner is willing to agree to it, marriage counseling may be what you need to save your marriage. A relationship counselor or therapist will be able to look at your marriage from the outside, ask probing questions, and get you to open up to each other.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Once you have the "ideal" out of your head, you will be able to work on what is real and what is good. These are the standards you should be applying to your marriage.
Love Spells to Get Him Back
If you are thinking about love spells to get him back then you really need to read this. Communicating with him in a calm and rational manner might be all it will take. Have you taught of a written letter sent by regular mail? This can be a good way to let him know where you are coming from. Texts are just too impersonal. It's hard to truly explain how you feel with an electronic delivery system. But sending a letter handwritten by you will surely get his attention.
For the letter to be effective you have to make sure that you keep a few points in mind:
1. Don't be negative. This isn't the time for guilt trips, venting your anger, or whining about your broken heart. This is the time to honestly own whatever part you played in the breakup of the relationship. Even if most of the blame is his, you probably still had something that you did wrong and regret. Explain why you did what you did. Don't try to justify it, just explain what you were thinking at the time and why you took the actions you took.
2. Don't promise that you'll change. You should be honest with yourself about anything that you need to work on but that's it. You aren't going to change yourself and remake yourself for every boyfriend you have. That's not healthy. But you can and should work on improving yourself. And you can tell him what you plan to work on and why.
3. Talk a little about your life now, without him. Don't brag about a new guy and try to make him jealous and don't sound all down and whiny. Just tell him something good. Not all the details but just enough to pique his curiosity. Make sure you end your letter with something positive, something that reminds him of the wonderful, fun loving women he fell in love with.
You don't have to resort to free love spells to get him back, all you need to do is find a way to remind him of how great you are and how great the two of you used to be. If you can do this and intrigue him all over again you will have a better chance of getting him back.
For the letter to be effective you have to make sure that you keep a few points in mind:
1. Don't be negative. This isn't the time for guilt trips, venting your anger, or whining about your broken heart. This is the time to honestly own whatever part you played in the breakup of the relationship. Even if most of the blame is his, you probably still had something that you did wrong and regret. Explain why you did what you did. Don't try to justify it, just explain what you were thinking at the time and why you took the actions you took.
2. Don't promise that you'll change. You should be honest with yourself about anything that you need to work on but that's it. You aren't going to change yourself and remake yourself for every boyfriend you have. That's not healthy. But you can and should work on improving yourself. And you can tell him what you plan to work on and why.
3. Talk a little about your life now, without him. Don't brag about a new guy and try to make him jealous and don't sound all down and whiny. Just tell him something good. Not all the details but just enough to pique his curiosity. Make sure you end your letter with something positive, something that reminds him of the wonderful, fun loving women he fell in love with.
You don't have to resort to free love spells to get him back, all you need to do is find a way to remind him of how great you are and how great the two of you used to be. If you can do this and intrigue him all over again you will have a better chance of getting him back.
Is It Possible to Save My Relationship?
If you want to save your relationship I have some tips that might be able to make a difference for you and your partner. But first you must to decide why you want to save your relationship. That might sound like a dumb question but sometimes we cling to things that we should just let go. Before you invest too much time and emotion in trying to save your relationship first make sure that it should be saved.
Now that you have decided that your relationship is worth saving here are a few tips you can follow which should help:
1. It's not all about you. So often in relationships one person tends to carry more of the burden. They are the "fixer". They are the ones who carry most of the emotional baggage. If that person is you then you have to realize that you can't do it all. If your relationship is going to be saved your partner has to be able and willing to meet you halfway.
2. Try to communicate without condemning or criticizing. When a relationship starts to falter there are a lot of hurt feelings and frustrations from both parties. These hurts can build up into a huge wall of resentment. That wall is very tough to tear down. It will take a lot of time, patience, and open communication. If the two of you aren't good at communicating you might need to find resources such as a book or counseling, that can help you work on your communication skills.
3. Own it. If you've screwed up you need to be a mature adult and admit your mistake and apologize for it. This is key. Remember in step 2 when I talked about resentments building up? You can do a lot to ease those resentments if you just own up to your mistakes and offer a sincere apology for the hurt you may have caused. To someone who loves you and wants to make things work this will be a very sweet sound.
Follow these steps and you will be well on your way to saving your relationship. Remember, the problems didn't spring up overnight and they're not going to go away overnight either. But if both of you are willing to work together you can get back the loving, fulfilling relationship you both want.
Now that you have decided that your relationship is worth saving here are a few tips you can follow which should help:
1. It's not all about you. So often in relationships one person tends to carry more of the burden. They are the "fixer". They are the ones who carry most of the emotional baggage. If that person is you then you have to realize that you can't do it all. If your relationship is going to be saved your partner has to be able and willing to meet you halfway.
2. Try to communicate without condemning or criticizing. When a relationship starts to falter there are a lot of hurt feelings and frustrations from both parties. These hurts can build up into a huge wall of resentment. That wall is very tough to tear down. It will take a lot of time, patience, and open communication. If the two of you aren't good at communicating you might need to find resources such as a book or counseling, that can help you work on your communication skills.
3. Own it. If you've screwed up you need to be a mature adult and admit your mistake and apologize for it. This is key. Remember in step 2 when I talked about resentments building up? You can do a lot to ease those resentments if you just own up to your mistakes and offer a sincere apology for the hurt you may have caused. To someone who loves you and wants to make things work this will be a very sweet sound.
Follow these steps and you will be well on your way to saving your relationship. Remember, the problems didn't spring up overnight and they're not going to go away overnight either. But if both of you are willing to work together you can get back the loving, fulfilling relationship you both want.
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